5 Brutally Honest Reasons You Are Still Single

[Essay] Dating Coach, Andrea McGinty, shares how to maintain expectations.

I do believe being in a relationship, marriage or single is a choice we make, intentionally or unintentionally. Yes, we all lead busy lives---it may be work, sports we enjoy, family and just the day-to-day stuff that comes up.

Some of us fell into a relationship the easy way---college, grad school, workplace. In our 20’s not much effort was needed, right?

But if you want a partner, it could be marriage, a travel buddy, a long-term relationship, it’s not going to show up on your doorstep. Well, in 30 years as a dating coach, I only remember once. A New York attorney client married a fireman---after he put out her fire!

For those who have a strong dislike for online dating, I couldn’t disagree more! When else in history have there been 128 million singles in the US---and many of them online, normal, and looking for the same things you are!?

5 Reasons you are still single:

1. Inertia You talk about wanting a relationship, but talk and action are two different things. You didn’t get to the pinnacle of your career by talking, right? Pro-activity is the key!

2. Negativity UGH, you tell me you are a positive, open-minded person then tell me there are no good men or women out there. I hear: All the good men are taken. All men want women 10-15 years younger than them. The women look nothing like their photos. My friends have had horrible results and met many weirdos online. Huh. If this is your self-talk, you’ve set yourself up for failure. I see people every day find the “one”. Yes, online!

3. Rigid Ideas/Impossible Criteria She must be…. insert 10 adjectives yourself. Ok, you want to know from an expert who has set up over 30,000 dates? The keys here are chemistry, common core values and great communication skills. Just ask me. 30 years ago, I would have said no bald guys. I was married to one for 24 years and found him very attractive!

4. Come on too strong You go on a date---and it’s not a date for you as you interview the poor person! You ask about his/her past relationships, what they are looking for and why they are online. You tell him/her exactly what you are looking for. On a first date? No way. A first date is nothing more than a fun talk about interests, life, maybe books, current events, etc. It’s not an audition for marriage—it’s an audition for a second date.

5. You gave up You went online, tossed up a profile and few photos, picked a site from the 1400 out there----then looked at the responses that week and said not for me. You had absolutely no idea on how to pick the right site, write an engaging dating profile, used ok photos---and had no knowledge about how well the algorithms and search engines can work if you do it right. You accepted the bad matches the site/app threw at you versus doing your own searching!

With over 65% of my clients in long-term relationships or marriage, almost 100% came from us working together and choosing their partners. No serendipity or dumb luck involved. Look, it’s in the dating sites interest to keep you as a member as long as possible. But that’s not your goal.

So, if a relationship (or just dating) is your goal, do it the right way with a positive mindset, the right site and a dating pro to lead you through the ins and outs of online dating. I see love happen every single week. That’s why I do what I do!

Dating Coach and Dating Counselor Cheers!.. I am Andrea McGinty. I have been a leader in dating since 1992. That's when I founded ItsJustLunch.com, a dating service that went from one tiny office in Chicago to 110 locations worldwide.

My expertise and common-sense approach to dating proved to be a winner. I'm a firm believer that dating should be fun, not work. In working with me, you will find my enthusiasm is not just about dating but getting to know and help you!

Blog Photo Credits: Pexels.com & Pixabay.com (Creative Commons). Contributors Disclaimer: Submissions are memoir. It reflects the author/guests present recollections of experiences over time. Some names and characteristics have been changed, some events have been compressed, and some dialogue has been recreated. Personal stories are not intended to hurt others-- the intention of this blog is to inspire and entertain.